defection

www.mazmarklife.tumblr.com

questions

At what point does being selfless make you a pushover?
How much pride can you swallow before you become pathetic?

No, I will not become that person.

moleskine diaries

I have decided to invest in a small moleskine notebook in an effort to un-digitalise my life. Very recently I was reminded of the simple joy of a free flowing pen on thick crisp paper. It will be full of incomplete thoughts and unfinished sketches, bible verses that resonate with me and bible verses I don't understand; I will pray through it and vent through it; in it I will remind myself of lessons I have learned; it will be my hopes and dreams pinned down in words and it will be awesome.

Thinking out loud

"For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. We should not be like Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brother’s righteous. Do not be surprised, brothers, that the world hates you." - John the Evangelist, his first epistle to a Church in Asia, 110 AD

Everywhere there are people who think being good is boring. They equate conservatism with narrow-mindedness. Or sometimes the inverse, that taking risks and breaking rules makes you more interesting.

Sure there are times when rules must be broken, authorities must be rebelled against, and even more so when risks should be taken: When the rule is arbitrary, when the authority corrupt, and the risk worth the cost. But there is little more foolish in the world than to do so for the sake of it - for the thrill of it. Likewise, blindly following someone else's rules is plenty foolish also. But if you understand why you do what you do, and if those reasons are solid and logical, it'd make no sense to do otherwise.

In any case, what I think makes a person interesting is none of the above. Rather, all it is is passion. While it is never too late to change if at some point the path you once chose is no longer the right one for you, whatever you choose to do or whoever you choose to be, and however long it takes you to decide; pursue it with everything you are and everything you have.

"By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives..."

unconditional love

"Unconditional love is a term that means to love someone regardless of one's actions or beliefs. It is a concept comparable to true love, a term which is more frequently used to describe love between lovers. By contrast, unconditional love is frequently used to describe love between family members, comrades in arms and between others in highly committed relationships. It has also been used in a Christian context to describe God's love for humankind through the forgiveness of Christ." - Wikipedia (sigh, I know)

This is hard sometimes. Especially when people seem to change on you. Or maybe I just didn't know them like I thought I did.

happy is a yuppie word

Sometimes I really think "Are you happy?" is the wrong question to ask. And I'm pretty sure "Does it make you happy?" is definitely the wrong question to ask.

"You know, these are yuppie words, happiness and unhappiness. It’s not happiness or unhappiness, it’s either blessed or unblessed." - Bob Dylan

But I've asked those questions in the past, and I'll probably ask them again. Sort of like how I'll sometimes still wish people good luck when I don't believe in luck at all.

Red and Black the ABC Cafe, Les Misérables (1980)

MARIUS
Red, I feel my soul on fire
Black, my world if she's not there
Red, the colour of desire
Black, the colour of despair...

ENJOLRAS
Marius, you're no longer a child.
I do not doubt you mean it well,
But now there is a higher call.
Who cares about your lonely soul?
We strive towards a larger goal.
Our little lives don't count at all.

ALL
Red, the blood of angry men
Black, the dark of ages past
Red, a world about to dawn
Black, the night that ends at last!